The process is smoother and you get results sooner when you expect change to suck.
The phrase “I already hate this” is a phrase commonly heard by any change facilitator.
Doesn’t matter the change arena, from health and fitness to business operations, participants of a change process often make such expressions.
Their intention is to suggest that there is something wrong with the change process.
Perhaps (knowingly or not) in the hopes that it might thwart the change process.
In actuality, it is the logic of this statement that is flawed.
Of course they hate this already.
This new way of working their employer has implemented.
This new activity their friend is asking them to participate in.
This new diet their spouse is asking them to follow.
It’s NEW. As indicated by the word ‘already’, very little time has passed since they started.
And if something is new, they can’t be good at it yet.
In fact, they’re the most bad at it they’ll ever be.
They are the least familiar, the least comfortable, and the least confident.
They have the least amount of self-efficacy.
They’ve made the least amount of progress.
The beginning of any journey demands the most effort but offers the least reward.
Of course they hate it. (Who wouldn’t!?) But what did they expect?
The statement “I already hate this” is problematic for them and for the people who are on this change journey with them for a few reasons.
At a minimum, a negative attitude – especially one expressed outwardly – is unhelpful.
If they expect the journey to continue regardless of how they currently feel about it, drawing attention to the suckiness of it won’t make it go away. It’s more likely to diminish the mood and motivation of the people around them, adding to the suckiness.
A negative attitude doesn’t make a change in process easier for their colleagues.
A negative attitude doesn’t make a change in routine easier for their friend.
A negative attitude doesn’t make a change in lifestyle easier for their spouse.
And if they have any fondness and respect for these people, they’ll not want to make life harder for them.
Beyond being negative and unhelpful, this statement is flawed in its logic.
Of course they hate this new process that requires a lot of their energy and attention.
Of course they hate this new process that has produced exactly zero results yet.
They should have expected the process to be uncomfortable.
They should have expected the results to be delayed.
They should have expected to “hate” it. Or at least to not enjoy it.
Uttering the statement “I already hate this” suggests they had unreasonable expectations.
Ironically, setting the right expectations is the best hack we all have to curb the suck associated with change.
Most of us can understand the influence our expectations have on our lived experience in the context of an exciting vacation we’ve planned. We day dream about finally getting to the beach between meetings at work. We discuss the fun activities we want to do and the delicious food we want to eat with our travel companions. We build up our expectations of our vacation in our minds.
And in reality, our flights are sometimes delayed, our scheduled activities are sometimes rained out and sometimes the food gives us gastrointestinal issues.
These inconveniences wouldn’t have as much of a downside impact on our experience if we hadn’t imagined an unrealistically perfect vacation in the first place. If we expect a few things to go wrong during our trip, it’s not such a blow when they inevitably do. It’s par for the course.
And if by some miracle nothing goes wrong? We’re on cloud nine! Best. Vacation. Ever.
The same principle applies to things we dread like process change at work or lifestyle change at home: we’ll hate our experience less if we actively tell ourselves it’s going to suck at the start.
Initially we could be excited about finally fixing all the clunky error-prone processes at work or finally getting back to feeling strong and energized. (Both initiatives make our lives easier.)
But those results materialize at the very end of the change journey AFTER we have trudged through the painfully slow process of behaviour change.
So BEFORE you get started on that change journey tell yourself, your colleagues/employees, your friend or your spouse:
“I am going to hate this (at times)”
…or even better…
“WE are going to hate this (at times).”
“Changing our behaviour is going to be hard”
“Results are going to take time.”
“We’re going to make mistakes now and then.”
“We’re going to lack motivation some days”
“We may feel like quitting sometimes.”
“We won’t be good at it right away.”
etc
By setting more realistic expectations with yourself and your change journey companions upfront, you will actually reduce the degree of suck you experience.
And if you feel a little less “hate” towards the process, you may stick it out a little longer, you may try a little harder and, by doing so, you may start to see some results a little sooner.